Ambiguous Loss: Learning to Live with Unresolved Grief

This book seems to be written to convince therapists that ambiguous loss is a real thing -- and that the unresolved grief that results from ambiguous loss needs to be treated in different ways from regular grief. Consequently, the author provides extensive case studies illustrating a broad variety of families experiencing ambiguous loss alongside with approaches for therapy to help clients.It would be great if someone wrote a book on ambiguous loss specifically for individuals and families experiencing it, but until that happens, I recommend this book. Be aware that it is more about deepening understanding than getting answers on what you should do... and, nutshell, a lot of what you do in an ambiguous situation is sit with it, accept it, and try to negotiate what it means as a family so everybody is on the same page (insofar as it is possible to be)... because family members have WILDLY differing perspectives.There are some interesting suggestions in the book about family meetings and some other practical advice; of course, it's written for a therapist to implement with clients, but a determined person could probably adapt it.The book gave me more clarity about my family's situation and more sensitivity towards other family members' perspectives. It helped me think through some options to bring about change that I ultimately decided would be too laborious and damaging for me personally, so I have to let them be. I needed to gain this understanding so I could lay it to rest for now. I hope others who are in a situation where a loved one is present yet not present will also find help in these pages.

I wasn’t sure about reading a 20 year old book on loss but I found Boss’ book very helpful 15 months after my husband’s severe TBI. I have experienced inexpressible loss while at the same time, my husband recovered well for the severity of his injury. He is physically with me, but not here mentally, emotionally, spiritually as he was before. Boss writes in a reader friendly way as she relays many of the emotions and thoughts I’ve had. I appreciate that she thoroughly describes ambiguous loss and explains why it is more difficult than clear cut losses because the loss never ends, there is no closure. Her suggestions for coping and making meaning in ambiguous loss are a good start to walking a long hard road. I wanted more discussion on coping and wish she had written more on TBI. However, I suspect she would have had a hard time finding survivors and families to interview in the 1990s because fewer people survived severe brain injuries. I plan on reading her other materials as I continue this arduous journey.

Even though the book is about ambiguous loss, it provides tremendous clarity for individuals caught under its spell. For families dealing with circumstances that have no closure or clear end- there is hope in the words in this book.Just having a term for this seemingly interminable journey of pain…… is so helpful. Name it to tame it they say. Read the book- provides clarity and a direction to channel the pain and your energy.Well written with beautifully illustrated stories and wisdom.

This book covers a topic rarely written about or even considered in training f future therapists, members of clergy, social workers or others in the helping professions. It elps the reader to relate to the problem from the eyes of the family that has a member that is "ambiguously lost." It also suggest therapeutic tasks and helps create an insight when families are suffering an ambiguous loss with little recognition from society of need for support, sometimes significant amounts of support. It deals predominently with families dealing with a loved one with Alzheimers, or some missing family member when that member's fate is unknown. The books only drawback is that it does not deal enough with the stresses of families dealing with a member suffering from a major psychiatric disorder. Where families get an occassional glimpse of what could have been which exists in sharp contrast to what currently is. These families have only minimal social supports. Would have like to seen more emphasis of that in this book. I say this with the recognition that I might be seeming to denigrate the im;portance of families with loved ones who are missing or loved ones with alzheimers. These family suffer also and need all the support we can give them. There are common needs for all three groups. vry important book to read.

Excellent clinical book.

I learned about this book doing my research about adult children estranged from their parents. The book does not specifically discuss the topic of family estrangements in detail, but I have found that many of the ideas and advice can be applied in dealing with feelings of tremendous loss of the relationship with adult child. It is very difficult to comprehend how sincere and close ties can disappear and you loose the person you think you knew. The book helped me to analyze the process I went through and put thingsinto perspective.I also found very moving and interesting parts of the book discussing emigration and losses because of it. It is not a self help book, the reader will not find what to do lists. However, and contrary to some other reviews where the existence of ambiguous loss introduced by the author is questioned, I found the book illuminating in understanding and explaining the grieving process when the loss is not normal and ordinary. For me personally the book brought great comfort.I am sure I will read this book again.

Great book

Boss takes us on a journey on a suffering that cannot be cured but that can find meaning . It doesn’t apply just to families of missing persons, grief without a body, but also to workaholic parents , demented loved ones who aren’t who they used to be but we still have to find a piece of them in a new frame. Symbolism, flexibility to help families find meaning to then unfreeze themselves are the keys Boss gives us in this provocative and well written book merging clinical interventions with real life situations we all face sooner or later.

My husband had a viral brain infection and operation afterwards to relieve the pressure. The infection left him with a great deal of cognitive brain damage, and me coping with the loss of the man I loved, yet he was still here! He has a PhD and is now unable to read, or speak properly, or recognise faces or know where he is. I was so relieved to find that this sort of grief had been researched and written about. I think it would be comforting for people who have 'lost' a loved one in some way or another. Either not knowing where they are or what has happened to them (as in war) or if they are coping with a loss like mine.This book cannot take your pain away, and sadly has no real answers, but for me it helped to know I was not alone. I had found it very difficult to explain to people how upset I was, it didn't seem quite right when he was still physically here! I would also say, from my own experience, my husband has worked hard to recover, and has improved hugely, though we both mourn the loss of him as he used to be, and the future we were hoping to have together.

The first couple of pages made me think this was going to be a great book but it soon became very tangled and the thread of the message was lost. I gave it to a charity shop without even finishing the first chapter!

Thank you Pauline Boss, With out this book i will still be crying and not knowing why??!! ,It all make sense to me now and i am most grateful for the content of this book.

I don't recall in the description when I purchased this book that it had been highlighted. Please ensure that something like this is in the description so people can choose if they are ok with that.It is a great book with lots of great information.

this book gives a much need explanation of how different types of losses affect our lives. Grief is felt in every area of our lives in many ways and always needs to be acknowledged.